10 cents a show

Hippies and hipsters are natural enemies in many ways, but they share the common bond of liberal politics. And these two sub-cultures don’t just support liberal politics, no sir, they support liberal politics without knowing anything about politics! That brings us to today’s question: what are the top pet causes for each group…and who has the edge?

For hipsters? Barack Obama is the king. He can do no wrong. For the hipster, his cigarette habit was proof that he was like one of them! Then again, it’s easy to do no wrong when no one knows what you’ve done. Ask a hipster why they like Barack Obama some time and you’ll get one of three responses:

1) Are you racist or something?

2) He’s really going to bring about change. (NOTE: follow up with “what kind of change?” to get the following response)

3) He’s going to give the people hope!

While some people may criticize hipsters for this mindless repetition of campaign slogans, I think it’s great that we’ve replaced the outdated ideals of “Truth, Justice, and the American Way!” with “Change, Hope, and Massive White Guilt!”

Hippies, however, have no problems with white guilt, as they’ve obviously transcended to a higher level of existence. And higher levels of existence are synonymous with, you guessed it, Tibet. And there’s nothing a hippie loves more than to hold a concert for the freedom of the poor, oppressed monks of Tibet. With hippies, however, it is even easier to perplex them. You don’t even have to ask them why Tibet should be free. Just ask them what Tibet should be freed from.

If their reply is “From, you know…the man!” you have the legal right to kill them.

And we’re going to have to call this one a push for today, folks.

And, Rest in Peace, Skip Caray, you were one of the very best announcers I’ve heard.