10 cents a show

Quoth Dave, “There aren’t many hippies here but there are TONS of hipsters. I think they’re in the same phylum, or something?”

After rushing to wikipedia to remind myself of what “phylum” meant, I’m here to confirm Dave’s hypothesis. Hippies and Hipsters are absolutely of the same phylum. I would go so far to say that they are included in the same genus, “probablydoesnthavemuchmoneyius” However, these two “alternative lifestyles” account for two vastly different species. The question is…which one wins the tale of the tape?

Body Odor

Advantage: Hipsters. It should be noted that a certain kind of hipster (the “dumb emo kid”) showers very regularly. However, the vast majority of today’s “indie hipster” crowd showers about as infrequently as, well, hippies. So why do hipsters win this one? Because they don’t proceed to drench themselves in incense, patchouli, and sage, a group of smells that go about as well with B.O. as Axe. Furthermore, hipsters usually have a lot of clothes to mask their sent, instead of just the 2 tie-dyed woodstock t-shirts their Uncle Joe gave them.

Music Taste

Advantage: Hippies. This may come as a surprise to those of you familiar with my vocal distaste for jam bands, but at least they know what they like and are incredibly dedicated. For hippies, little things like eating are less important than getting that Grateful Dead bootleg 12-disc set. Ever seen a hippie forced to choose between buying a new stash of weed or the new Phish live disc? It ain’t pretty, I’ll tell you that much. Hipsters, on the other hand, are as fickle as it gets, dropping bands from their Facebook music interests the minute Pitchfork gives them a 8.5 or lower.

To be continued soon as hippies and hipsters square off on the political battleground…

oh and…Record of the week: Electric Bunnies – Fantastic Metal Eye (catchy, noisy punk from Florida). Comic of the week: Gentleman Jim, a damn fine indie book from Drawn & Quarterly.